Ever
have one of those moments where people present you with the perfect setup
for the perfect joke and you deliver the perfect punchline flawlessly which
causes everyone to erupt with laughter for the next few minutes in an instance
that will be remembered for the rest of your life and the same for everyone
else there?  Well, I did that today.  That was many hours ago and I’m still
feeling very proud of myself for that.

The short version of this story is that there is a group of us Geeks/CyberLuvas
get together on Friday night for some good Role Playing Games.  This time
we opted not to play any games and go to Shake and Steak, a 24-hour hamburger
joint. We had most of the usual crowd and one newbie.  Well, this newbie
apparently didn’t know his place, because in the middle of all of us talking
about the great movies that are out now and how awesome Spiderman was, he
blurted, “That movie totally….SUCKED!  It was horrible!”  And then proceeded
to tell us all the minute details that he saw flaws in.  At first, we were
open minded because some of the CGI was sketchy, but overall, it was a great
movie.  But he wouldn’t let up.  We then sensed an issue more fundamental
than this newbie’s disdain for the movie…so we probed.  “What did Stan
Lee (creator of Spiderman) do to you?”  “What happened to you when you were
a kid?”  “Did Stan Lee take your lollipop when you were young?”  “Did he
abuse you as a kid?”

At which point, I command the presense of the entire table by putting
my hand out towards him as if I’m holding something and ask, “Show me on
the doll where he touched you!!!!”

Silence.

That’s pretty much where I went blank, folks.  All I remember from then
to minutes later was the entire table roaring with laughter and waving our
arms around hystarically.  We were probably making fools out of ourselves,
and earning us a place on the “Not allowed back in” list, but we didn’t care. 
Life was too good.  And for the rest of the night, if someone got too wilded
up, I’d put them in their place by asking the same question.  It was a grand
occasion that will stick in all of our memories for the rest of our lives.

If you don’t get it…don’t worry.  It was probably one of those moments where you would have to have been there.

My friend Lee who was there also has another account of the story.

And I made a Southpark version of my alter ego Disco Stu.  You can make your own character.

So,
it’s been a while since I’ve played a prank on anyone, and tonight was the
night to make up for the lost time.  Matt Mussleman (No really, that’s his
real name, and not one fabricated for this story.) saw a whole octopus at
an asian market a while back and knew that mischevious things could come
from this, but hadn’t determined anything yet.  Then, he thought of a great
joke…put this in someone’s toilet,
and wait..and wait..and wait…till you hear the girlish shreak of some unsuspecting
victim.  He decided that this victim shall be my roommate Ann.  (Note:  Matt
did not just purchase an octopus, but also 2 squids…one for use elsewhere
and another for “backup”.  When he unwrapped the octopus, he found out that
it was already sliced, so we opted to use one of the ickier squids.)

Now originally, this was supposed to happen at my house w/o me knowing
any of it, so that I would be in just as much shock as Miss Dubose.  However,
so that the plan could be perfectly executed, Matt clued me in so that he
could determine when Ann was going to be home.

The social plan for tonight was to have a gaming party at my house with
a Dreamcast, PS2, and Gamecube on my nice new 36″ TV.  This was a hit with
everyone, including Sarah who didn’t participate, but enjoyed watching a
bunch of guys screaming at each other as we mauled one another at Quake 3,
SSX and Chu Chu Rocket.  The participants were Lee, Rusty, Sarah, Matt Mussleman, Matt Turner
and myself.  Rusty and Mr. Turner were kept out of the squid loop so that
we could have some other bystanding victims.  So we waited…and waited…and
waited for Ann to finish her shift at Cozymel’s. 

The time for Ann to come home came and the “Squid waiters” waited patiently
for Ann to do her duty.  We were disheartened that instead of using the bathroom
like any normal person should, she made haste to grab her things so that
she could go stay with her boyfriend for the night.  We all gathered downstairs
and the made every suggestion we could to have Ann go back into her bathroom
and check the toilet.  But alas…she said her goodbyes and closed the door
behind her.

Frustrated and thwarted, I fell on the floor screaming…”Anything!!! 
Just go!!!”  The aforementioned door then opened and Ann poked her head in,
curious as to why I was now yelling.  At this point, we couldn’t hold it
in anymore and we then dragged her to her bathroom…She was disgusted…amused, but very disgusted.

After she left, we were still recovering from busting a gut laughing about the whole ordeal. 

I don’t have a really smashing opening for this entry, so I’ll just say this. I had an AMAZING time for my birth-weekend. It started out with a pub crawl down in Deep Ellum.

Lee and I got the the pub crawl late; however, we were able to follow the horde of people walking around Deep Ellum wearing the same T-shirt with the words, “Pub Crawl” on them, figuring that this is where we wanted to be. On the walk to our first pub, we met up with two ladies that were quite intoxicated and when they found out Lee’s name, one of the girls got really upset because her X-fiance was named Lee and then started to get upset at Lee for stealing her motorcycle and breaking her heart. (All playfully so.) So, the crawl was off to a good start.


We got to the first club and met some very beautiful and interesting people. The Coors Light girls were there; however, they had enough makeup on that made me hope that Clairol wasn’t flammable. I found out that they were passing out “Hello” nametags and got someone to give me on. (Some of them were “Ivana Pearl Necklace” and “Kanigo Downonya” A bit disappointed with, “Never had an Orgasm” I realized that this could turn into a benefit since it was my birthday. (Just kidding mom! 🙂 ) Some of the women were interesting to talk to, and some of the women were a bit too tipsy. At some point, we decided to blindfold Lee and have him pin the tail on the Enron Executative. One thing that was great was that some people, despite the cold weather, dressed up in semi-traditional Irish garb and others decided that they were too sexy for it. But all in all, the boys had a grand ol’ time. The slogan for the night was, “10 Bars, 250 People, Many Blondes, No Waiting”


When Lee and I ended the pub crawl, we realized that I no longer had my camera and had no idea where it could be. I was a bit bummed, but not discouraged. After talking to “The Librarian Girl”, (The one touching her boob.) and some searching, we found that They Might Be Giants were playing right next to us the entire time. Almost worth missing the pub crawl, but not quite.


We got back to home safely, after using Whataburger to dilute the blood in our alcohol stream and kept chanting out ourselves, “Good Pub Crawl.” At that point, around 2-3AM, I went to sleep in my own bed.


Around 9AM, I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I joined my friend Angie Champion for an adventure down to the St. Patrick’s Day Parade. (Since I didn’t have my camera, I don’t have any other pictures. Sorry.) We had a good time looking at the variety of floats, including the “Heterosexual Men In Favor of Moustaches.” “Beware of the Mullets” and “Drunks Against Madd Mothers.” And low and behold the same Coors Light girls from last night. We ended it with a friend of Angie’s buying me lunch and sharing decorating ideas.


I got in time to start cleaning the place up for the real party. Slowly, but surely, people started to wonder into my house and realize that this is the place to be for a good time. There were about 30 people there and after people started to leave, I broke out the Twister mat and the Twister contest began. Little did I know that as I was stepped out of the room that the grand prize was my house. I came back into the room to find out that Frank Fu was now the proud owner of 769 Panorama. I demanded a grudge match.


Things started to look dim for our past landlord, but then Mr. Fu made a critical mistake. With one foot on blue and one foot on yellow, I had to move my hand to blue and he tried to prevent me from doing so by pushing his body as high as it could to, which left his underside open, where I quickly got a hand on the situation and was able to use my leverage to push him up, over and off the board. Huzzah! The house was mine again!


Disco Stu also made an appearance and got the house and a lot of bootie shaking.


I started to get tired and found a friend of a friend (Cathy) sitting on the couch and plopped my head in her lap. Our mutual friend (Suzyn) then mumbled something about getting tired and then plopped herself between me and the back of the couch. Needless to say, I was in 7th Heaven. Cathy then proceeded to give me the best face massage I had ever gotten my entire life. Slowly people started to leave the party; however, I was too intoxicated, not by the alcohol, but by the position that I was in. Around two PM, the last of the people left and I was still enjoying myself with my head in Cathy’s lap and Suzyn cuddled by my side. Before my blessed friend Lee left, he did one of the coolest things. He took my other couch and set it right next to the couch I was currently lying on so make a big bed…to which Cathy was able to lie down beside me. God Bless You Lee!!! This is the point where I should have gone to sleep, but couldn’t so, because I was too happy.


Cathy and I stayed up early talking and enjoying each other’s company and did sleep for a little while before they had to leave to go back to Austin. (They drove all the way over, just for the party.)


The next day, I attempted, poorly, to clean up and just walked around in a daze, saying to myself, “Good Party.” I later saw Resident Evil, which was a good movie, especially since I hugely lowered my expectations, because it was a movie based on a video game.


I found out that people are STILL talking about the party and how much fun they had. I also feel so blessed that I as able to have such a great party and have such great friends join me at it.


To quote my best friend Lee…”It’s allllll good.”

Birthdays. 
You get one once a year.  And after a while, you get numb to them, and I’ve
heard that at some point, you actually start dreading them.  Thankfully,
I’m not going to be one of those people.  Each one of my birthdays will be
a blessed and sacred event that I spend with the people closest to me.  And
last night, I was lucky enough to create one of those events for someone
else.

At Mary’s wedding (see “Mary’s Married”), a close friend of mine, Sherri
Zeitman said that she wanted a surprise birthday party since her birthday
was next week.  So, I, along with a few other cohorts, gathered up some friends
of hers and planned an adventure for her.  It started with her finding a
Kidnapping Letter
attached to her door after the doorbell rang at her house at 7PM.  (At the
time, she was expecting Chuck Sutherland to pick her up.)  After waiting
for a while, I walked into her house to find her awaiting her captor.  I then took her by the hand and escorted her to my car where I never said a word.  After she was secured in the car
and unable to hear me conspire about what was next, I then called Chuck who
in turn talked to Sherri and told her that she was on a “Mission”, if she
chose to accept it.  And she did.  Chuck then told her to let the force guide
her.

I got in the driver seat, highly amused that I had made it this far w/o
messing anything up and drove over to Mindy and Shelia’s house. Along the
way, I kept performing “reality checks” on myself and couldn’t stop laughing. 
Here I was, driving a Landmark Education Self Expression and Leadership Program
Leader, blindfolded, in my Saturn and my only method of communication with
her was through motioning her arm to represent “Yes.” or “No.”, laughing
and writing letters on the palm of her hand.  She then started to tell her
captor (me) that she was really scared and excited at first; because it was
like being in one of the Teen movies.

When we arrived at Mindy and Shelia’s, we decided to make the most out of her unaware state and take a possible blackmail picture.  Little did I know that the pictures taken later on in the evening would be all the more incriminating.  We unmasked Sherri, got a great look of surprise and delight on her face and had fun drinking wine and champaigne before heading out to Abacus…home of the worlds greatest cheese fries.

A great time was had by all at Abacus as we wined and dined on some of the greatest food, deserts and cherry’s I had had in a long time.  The best picture of the night:  Smile, my gorgeous ladies.

You can find my picture album for this, here.

The prize winning photograph. 

Yesterday, along with about 70 other people, I witnessed the marriage
of someone very near and dear to me and someone who I believe will cherish
and love her for the rest of his life.  Congratulations Mary and Richard
Ameredo. (sp?)

I used to think that only women thought about things like this, but I
then started thinking about my own marriage.  Who would it be?  How would
the wedding be?  Who would be my best man?  Would Pastor Bill do the sermon? 
Where would it be?  If I plan to get married, then I better find a church
here to call home, else I’ll be looking pretty out of place having the marriage
in my house, because I’m not a member of any other church.

In any case, I realized that I was thinking too much and by that time
the wedding was over and Sonny came out from behind us playing bagpipes,
indicating that the ceremony was over and that we were supposed to get to
downtown for the reception.

The reception was one of the most fun I have had in a very long time. 
It started off with an open bar.  (And it ended with taking a bottle of champagne
and going to Zeitman central (where I find myself now) and talking all about
Europe and my adventures there.)  There were a lot of Landmark people there
and of course, we were all VERY self-expressed and later owned the dance
floor.  I found myself very tipsy at the beginning from two bottles of wine
and no food in the last 6-8 hours.  I was enjoying myself very much, but
very cautious every time I walked near the beautiful cakes, afraid that I
would become the token clumsy fool that tripped into them after paying more
attention to a beautiful woman walking by me than my own feet walking in
front of me.  Even in my “more than tipsy, less than drunk” state, I was
able to avoid disaster and certain embarassment.

I will admit that I look forward to my wedding.  I look forward to meeing
the person that I will intently look at with both eyes in front of an audience
of about a hundred people and say, “I do.” and then know that for the rest
of my life, this woman will light me up, turn me on, make me do the “Dance
of Joy” for as long as we both shall live.  Yes, I know that like any relationship,
my marriage will go through hard times.  It will go through REALLY hard times. 
Hell, it’ll go through times where I will wish that I had that device in
Men in Black where I would forget the about everything; however, I KNOW that
I have the tools to make the relationship work.  And if I can find someone
with tools of her own, I think we’ll be set for life.

Marriage…How ’bout them apples.

NOTE:  I finally wrote down my My Theory of It.  Please read and comment.